Unlocking Prophetic Approach To Parenting

The Prophet ﷺ said

أَكْرِمُوا أَوْلاَدَكُمْ وَأَحْسِنُوا أَدَبَهُمْ ‏

“Be kind to your children, and perfect their manners.”1

These simple yet powerful words capture the essence of successful parenting, a delicate balance of compassion and guidance. In a world filled with countless parenting philosophies and expert advice, this timeless wisdom reminds us of the importance of nurturing our children through love before shaping their behaviour. It’s a reminder that genuine connection must precede rules and discipline.

The first part of the hadith emphasises kindness and respect towards children. When parents honour their children, they create an environment of trust and love. Such a relationship lays the foundation for effective guidance and discipline. The Prophet’s sequence is instructive: be kind first, and then work on perfecting their manners. It is this order that allows rules to have real value; children respond to guidance from those who treat them with care and respect.

But how do we ensure that our children take these rules seriously? It starts with us, as parents, embodying the very behaviours and values we wish to see in them. Children are keen observers, they follow with their eyes, not their ears. We can repeat instructions over and over, but unless they see us living those values, it’s unlikely they’ll genuinely absorb them.

The Qur’an includes a beautiful supplication that encapsulates this - “My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favour…. and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring”2 The sequence here is key, first, we ask for ourselves to do good deeds, and then we ask for our children to be righteous. Our own actions come first because our example; this is the most powerful influence on our children. In this way, effective parenting means aligning our actions with the expectations we set for our children.

True transformation begins not with commands, but with the gentle, consistent example we set each day.

Links

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Calm Parents, Happy Kids - the powerful impact that a parent’s emotional state has on their child’s well-being. Calm parents can better guide their children through challenges, setting a foundation for emotional regulation, resilience, and overall happiness.

Discipline Without Damage - strategies for guiding behaviour without resorting to harsh punishments, promoting healthier relationships and long-term emotional well-being in children.

Nurturing Eeman in Children (free PDF) - Dr. Aisha Hamdan provides practical insights and strategies to cultivate a strong sense of īmān in children, helping them develop a deep-rooted connection to their spirituality while navigating the challenges of modern life.

The Mother of Imam Al Shafi - You don’t need a title or be a scholar to build a nation, as exemplified by the remarkable story of Fatima, the mother of Imam Al-Shafi. Though she may be unknown to many Muslim, but her invaluable contributions is eternally recorded in her book of good deeds.

1

Sunan Ibn Majah 3671 [Book 33, Hadith 15] - Full Hadith ↓

حَدَّثَنَا الْعَبَّاسُ بْنُ الْوَلِيدِ الدِّمَشْقِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا عَلِيُّ بْنُ عَيَّاشٍ، حَدَّثَنَا سَعِيدُ بْنُ عُمَارَةَ، أَخْبَرَنِي الْحَارِثُ بْنُ النُّعْمَانِ، سَمِعْتُ أَنَسَ بْنَ مَالِكٍ، يُحَدِّثُ عَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ أَنَّهُ قَالَ ‏ "‏ أَكْرِمُوا أَوْلاَدَكُمْ وَأَحْسِنُوا أَدَبَهُمْ ‏"‏

2

Surah Al-Ahqaf - 46:15

رَبِّ أَوْزِعْنِىٓ أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ ٱلَّتِىٓ أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَىَّ وَعَلَىٰ وَٰلِدَىَّ وَأَنْ أَعْمَلَ صَـٰلِحًۭا تَرْضَىٰهُ وَأَصْلِحْ لِى فِى ذُرِّيَّتِىٓ