The Courage to Be Disliked: Parenting with Sincerity Over Approval

Every decision from how you speak to your child, to what you allow in your home can feel like it’s under a microscope.

The pressure is not just from the outside world. It’s from within our own circles.

The “crowd” watching isn’t anonymous. It’s the extended family, the in-laws, the elders, the WhatsApp groups.

And in that atmosphere, a quiet temptation creeps in:to parent for approval,

So you soften your stances. You hide your values behind vague excuses. You avoid conflict, even if it means compromising what matters. You smile and nod, even when your heart disagrees.

Why? Because no one wants to be disliked. No one wants to be judged. Especially not by people they love.

But here’s a truth most of us realise too late,

People-pleasing isn’t adab. It isn’t sincerity. It isn’t wisdom.

It’s fear

When we parent from that fear, our homes may appear polished on the outside but inside, they’re unstable, always bending, never rooted.

You Can’t Win Everyone, So Stop Trying

Be gentle? You’re labelled soft.

Be firm? You’re accused of being too harsh.

Set limits? “You’re too extreme.”

Try to fit in? “Why are you even trying?”

See the pattern? No matter what you do, someone will disapprove.

That disapproval often says more about their discomfort than your decision.

Your choices remind them of the ones they didn’t make. Your courage exposes their compromise. Your boundaries make others question their own.

Islam gives us a compass that doesn’t change with the crowd:

Seek Allah’s pleasure, not people’s applause.

When you start parenting with that clarity, everything shifts.

The Hidden Cost of Parenting for Approval

When your goal is to be liked, your parenting becomes reactive.

You start second-guessing what you know is right, not because it’s wrong, but because you’re scared of how it’ll be received.

Over time, your leadership becomes unstable.

Your “no” becomes hesitant.

Your “yes” becomes confused.

And in that confusion, your child starts learning a dangerous lesson:people’s feelings matter more than truth.

It begins subtly:

- Boundaries are avoided just to avoid being called “strict”.

- Honest conversations are delayed to avoid being “judged”.

- Standards are lowered to avoid being “that difficult parent”.

- Islam is introduced cautiously, almost as if you’re apologising for it.

And with each compromise, your home loses clarity and children feel it.

Steadfastness (istiqāmah) is what grounds a home.

Prophetic parenting was never about popularity

The Prophet ﷺ was criticised, mocked and accused by his own people. And yet, he never softened the truth to win approval.

He didn’t dilute his mission for social ease.

He didn’t adapt revelation for popularity.

He stood with dignity, even when it was uncomfortable.

That’s the kind of emotional steadiness our children need. Not perfection. Not public performance. But grounded, principled leadership at home.

Courage doesn’t always look bold or loud. Sometimes, it’s quiet:

- Holding a boundary, even if it makes you “that parent.”

- Saying “no” without long-winded explanations.

- Choosing what’s best for your child, even if others roll their eyes.

Our children don’t need us to chase popularity. They need us to lead with Yaqīn (unshakable conviction).

What Courage Looks Like in Muslim Parenting

Courage in parenting is rarely dramatic. It’s often invisible. But it’s always intentional.

- It’s prioritisingSalaheven when others think your child is “missing out”.

- It’s protecting your child’s attention by limiting screens, even when it’s mocked as unrealistic.

- It’s teachingḥayā’andadabearly, even if someone calls it outdated.

- It’s being consistent with consequences, even when others call you harsh.

This isn’t control. It isn’t fear. And it’s certainly not harshness.

It’s leadership.

Real leadership doesn’t win awards. It often invites criticism. That’s the price. But the reward? A child raised on clarity, stability and values that last.

The Real Courage

It’s not about impressing other parents.

It’s not about fitting in.

It’s not about being the “perfect mum” or the “chill dad”.

It’s about raising children who know who they are.

Children who love Allah. Children who understand their purpose. Children who don’t need to shrink themselves to be accepted.

Strong Muslim children are not raised by parents who fear the crowd.

They’re raised by parents who fear Allah, trust their path and stay grounded.

And sometimes, the bravest thing you can do as a Muslim parent is to simply accept that some people will misunderstand you. so let them.

Keep your heart anchored to the One whose approval truly matters - Allah (Perfect & Exalted is He)

If you’re a parent trying to stay grounded in a world that keeps asking you to bend,you’re not alone.

Were invite you to join a growing community of intentional Muslim parents choosingpurpose over popularity.

🌿Join us at Suhba Club, where over80+ familiesare walking this path together, raising children with strength, sincerity and an unshakable connection to Allah. It’s a space for real conversations, practical guidance and shared values.

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